I’d Rather Be The Dead Guy Than Give The Eulogy

Guest post by Chad O’Connor, Adjunct Professor Emerson College

It still never fails to amaze me when people come up to me to talk about public speaking their first and greatest issue remains fear. It is consistently cited as a chief fear amongst Americans. A great mind of our time, Jerry Seinfeld, once astutely noted that people were less afraid to be dead and in the coffin than they would be to give the eulogy at the funeral! [ For this and other memorable Seinfeld moments, it's worth amusing yourself here ]

When I teach college students in the usually friendly confines of a classroom it is standard for me in the first week to remind them of this simple truth: here the public speaking stakes are lower, so seize the opportunity to practice, try something different, screw up, and get a relatively meaningless bad grade on a piece of paper. It’s better to get an honest assessment of your strengths and weaknesses, learn from it, and make modifications in a college classroom than it is to find these things out for the first time in a boardroom somewhere, where unfortunately the stakes are much higher. If you have any ambitions to be a public facing person or management in your organization then it is indispensable to be a good public speaker. Yet, for many of you reading this, that safe college course window seems to have passed. You feel as though you have missed your chance and now you are stuck either being terrified of public speaking situations you must endure or avoiding them altogether to the detriment of your career.

Let me console you with a few friendly reminders -

1. You are not alone. Remember that it is exceedingly rare to be in an outright hostile speaking environment. People may be judging you, yes, but they want to see you succeed. They want to feel comfortable and reassured with you, not look to stoke your worst fears and worst performances (again, I say in most situations – we all know that it is possible to have that boss or coworker from hell who enjoys nothing more than seeing other people squirm). Just think – many of those people have self-reported of being afraid to get up and speak too, so why would they have it in for you? If you are truly afraid that poor public speaking would cost you your job in the organization you are in, then you need to ask:

a. Is this workplace, coworker pool, client base and position really the right fit for me? [ as in the perfectly existential question posed by the classic movie Office Space ]

b. Am I so bad in my other areas of work that a public speaking snafu would be the straw to break the proverbial camel’s back (and if you are answering yes, then why aren’t you working better in those other areas)?

2. Nobody brings their “A” game to every public speaking situation. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Some subject matter and audiences we know better and feel more comfortable with, and it should feel more relaxed when those variables line up right. Don’t overgeneralize that a previously uncomfortable situation needs to result in a poor performance at the next one. Each speaker, audience and speech creates a unique environment and a new opportunity to move on from past performance toward a better speaking future.

3. It’s never too late! I teach people from all age groups. If you really think public speaking is a problem for you, then you need to do some combination of the following (disclosure: my professional work involves offering services in the first two) -

a. find a private public speaking coach to work with

b. find a public speaking course offered through a local college’s continuting education program (my advice here is to do one in a brick and mortar setup as opposed to a purely online class, as there is no substitute for a live audience, both to present to and to observe).

c. find an area chapter of Toastmasters, if for nothing but to have an audience to speak in front of where the stakes are nonexistent.

Hopefully these things will start the process for you of rethinking your public speaking situation. As always, I welcome your thoughts and comments…

Chad O’Connor teaches communication at Emerson College in Boston, serves as a connector for Boston World Partnerships, and works with various individuals, companies and nonprofits as a communication consultant on issues such as public speaking, message strategy, copy refining, etc. Chad can be contacted at his gmail account, chad.a.oconnor ,and found on Twitter @chadoconnor

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